Frat Stars Take On Clownpocalypse

It was early Tuesday morning, around 1 am, when Texas Christian University’s campus was struck with fear. Of clowns. Even though our country is currently debating which clown we want to elect to be the leader of the free world, this is somehow even scarier.

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Starting on the East Coast, a series of “clown spottings” have sparked what seems to be copycat behavior all over the nation.

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Whether it’s sick people just deciding to rock a clown costume late at night (seriously, why?!) or real threats made on social media, the clownpocalypse has made its way into the proudest Second Amendment defending state. Texas.

As the TCU community came together, no one took the scare as seriously as fraternity men. From the depths of Greek housing, frat stars emerged from chapter rooms ready to take on the unknown. They charged through the night to the heart of campus to put a stop to the madness.

Squads of weapon-wielding college students ran to the campus commons as word spread that our very own school was under attack. Weapons ranging from brooms, golf clubs, hammers, hairbrushes, wrapping paper, drying racks, baseball bats, lacrosse sticks… and even Swiffers were seen.

Sorority women even took up paddles for protection.

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Those on front lines defending our campus were determined to keep the clowns at bay, no matter the cost. A member of a fraternity chapter on campus confessed,

“Once I heard that the clowns were terrorizing the sorority houses I grabbed my trusty 6 iron and ran over there. But heard that Colby Hall, the future of this great school, was also under attack, so we went to work there to keep y’all safe.”

Within an hour, the threat seemed to have been intercepted and no one was harmed. TCU emailed its students to let them know this epidemic will not be ignored.

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Though the administration has disarmed them, discouraging the use of any sort of weapons, the courageous frat boys will not be disbanded in the face of adversity. This is the side of fraternity life that the liberal media neglects to acknowledge. They’re so quick to demonize them as wild party animals but never give them the credit they deserve. Now TCU students can sleep soundly, knowing that the clowns will never get past the Vineyard Vine wearing, dip chewing, Greek-pledging heroes. Please support frat stars everywhere by promoting #FratLivesMatter.