One time I had a boyfriend. Shocker I know right? But, it is true. He was hot and older, and so me being awkward I was like YAS PLEASE LET’S DATE AND BE AWESOME AND HOT TOGETHER.
So, there we are. Dating. Everything was mostly okay. He was not a fan at all of my political twitter obsession, my passion for Paul Ryan, my constant need to discuss the latest meme, and definitely not the vast amount of clothing I have that is political. So, I naturally did what every other insecure girl does, and tried to suppress it. Luckily for me my love for freedom and America can’t be contained.
Toward the end our 3 month relationship I went to a political leadership conference. On my way home, I took a sign that said “Socialism Sucks” all around the Dallas and Minneapolis airports. I took pictures of it and sent them to him. I was proud. I thought I was being funny. He did not.
He picks me up from the airport, and refuses to talk to me about the conference. And I was like…okaaay. So, I made a joke about how the Libertarians theme song should be “Bitches and Marijuana,” and he is a Libertarian. I thought he would appreciate it, but instead he spent the whole car ride home yelling at me about it. Like yelling.
I am a sort of patient person, so I kind of let it go. The day went on. He went on not talking to me, as I continued to say more and more political things to piss him off on purpose. I did things like write “Taxation is Theft” all over his room, and say things like “Make America Great Again.”
Here’s a transcript of our conversation:
Me: “What is going on?”
Him: “I just think that it is rude to say that socialism sucks…some people believe that it works.”
Me: “Well, I mean it does suck so I’m gonna continue to say it.”
Him: “(Continues to say more things that I tuned out.)…so I think we are moving in different directions.”
And that was how I was dumped, because socialism sucks.
Later on, he moved in next door to my sorority, knowing I was moving in there. On move in day, he slid into my Instagram DM’s and said:
“Hey I randomly saw you today. Let’s hang out sometime. You keep doing you.”
Ya okay, I’ll keep doing me far away from you, well as far as possible considering that he lives next to me.